Yeah, today was one of those days.
Basically, I’m going through a personal break-up of sorts,
and those days, when I’m okay, when I think I’m functioning and that I’ve
forgotten everything, are, in fact, false!
Or so I found out today.
Because something like today happens, when you get an
accusatory letter from said break-up person, and it screws up your day, and you
end up crying in a frozen yogurt shoppe, trying not to cry, because you’ve made
a personal vow to stop crying in public via the great Chili’s tear fest
2011. But realizing that this is
the second—okay, maybe third.
Wait. I’m pretty sure this
is the fourth! Golly.—time you’ve
cried in public only makes it worst, because you realize how pathetic, albeit funny, this situation is.
So you leave in a hurry, only to have the friendly customer
service person tell you to have a nice day, and watching their face screw up in
confusion and discomfort as they realize that you’re crying is really awkward.
So is walking down the streets with big sunglasses on,
trying not to be crying, because you’re thinking you’re a terrible person to
warrant such an attack.
And it’s funny in a sad, pathetic way, because you’re always
striving to be a better person.
You honestly think about moral dilemmas in your spare time, because you
wanted to be Batman and took after school specials seriously.
And you’re walking down blocks and circling sidewalks, tears
escaping under your face-covering sunglasses, and the fact that people give you
weird looks makes this worst. The fact that that little boy said "hi" to you makes it worst. The fact that you passed that guy three times already, once when he had to cross the street with a ladder, the next without, and then when he just openly stared at you.
Simultaneously, this is all pretty funny in a ridiculous way. Because you are making every single person regret walking past you.
By the time I entered a bagel place to comfort myself and rehydrate, I was mentally spent, so when I heard "Oh Dios Mio!" from the guy at the counter, I had to turn to him, unwittingly frowning, and nod with him.
"You got that right," I said, before gorging on bagels and cream cheese.
Feeling: Like shit. Listening to: Nothing. Bagels?