Silly as it is, we still have a home phone line. Sillier as it is, I'm the only one who answers it. Silliest of all is the fact that we don't have caller ID anymore.
My usual tactic when answering a phone is to either answer with a German or French "hallo," which stuns the person on the other end, or to use an extremely Valley Girl voice, or what I think a Valley Girl voice is. It's basically just me using the words "like" and "totally" often, such as "Oh, she's not home, but I can totally take a message so she can, like, get back to you later. This lets the person on the other end either leave a message or hang up. People usually hang up when I use my accents, but I have started to notice that people have started to take longer pauses and continue about their businesses.
So was my mindset when I decided to pick up the telephone.
Please note that a lot of this is conjecture as the man had a heavy Jamaican accent
Me: Hallo!
Receiving End: (beat)
Me: Hallo! Hallo! Halloo?
Receiving End: (interrupting) Hello! Can I speak to the Miss -- please?
Me (accent dropping): My mother?
Receiving End: Yes? Why? Are you Miss --?
Me: I am a miss. Who are you trying to reach?
Receiving end: (indistinct)
Me: (switching tactics) well, my mom's at work, but I can totally--
Receiving end: Oh! Are you her daughter?
Me: Yes. Why?
Receiving end: Are you twenty-one?
Me (panicking now): Why?
Receiving end: (indistinct)
Me (making up what they're saying): No. No I don't think we're interested! We don't want one! We're perfectly happy with our own!
Receiving end (attempting to make themselves clearer): No! Are you looking for a Jamaican good time?
Me (scared now): Wha--? I mean. It was really nice talking to you.
Receiving End: (indistinct)
Me: Thank you so much for calling! It was great to hear from you!
Receiving End: (nothing as I've hung up on them)
For some odd reason, I thought he was hitting on me, so goes my brain because obviously when a man asks me if I'm looking for a "Jamaican good time" he must be hitting on me. In my defense, I thought the age question juxtaposed to the Jamaican question (or what I thought was a question about Jamaica) was pretty sketch.
Needless to say, I stopped answering the phone for weeks. Our voicemail had a lot to memorize.
